Searching the world and my heart.

An abundance of things...

2011-11-25T16:19:00.001-08:00

including "thanks".

Yesterday turned out to be an excellent day in the end. It went from lonely to warm and bright, filled with friends. The Land Before Time at Stefanie's and Super Smash Bro.s at the their family's. Then I did my nails :) This is honestly what break should be like, hanging out and not thinking about papers due this coming week and finals after that.

Thankful for everything.

I don't know what to do

2011-11-16T17:39:00.001-08:00

to make you see that I love you and all I'm asking is for you to be sure of how you feel about me.

When I feel sad

2011-11-09T18:08:00.000-08:00

Its probably because of something you said or something I read on your face. I don't runaway to cry about it, I stay put and imagine scenarios in my brain until I'm even more depressed. I want to fix those feelings you feel so I can fix my feelings that I feel. I don't like people feeling anything other than happy or content about me. Stop pushing me away, it'll only make me want to be with you more because I get scared. Just cuddle me and tell me everything is alright and I'll be fine and leave you alone (>__<)

Finding your stillness

2011-11-08T19:22:00.000-08:00

It's difficult to stress how important stillness is in daily life. Many times we find ourselves moving from one moment to the next, with no rest in between - no time for even a breath. Our society puts an emphasis quick results, fast responses and namely, instant gratification. Often times I find myself in the middle of a pose with thoughts racing about other things, completely removed from the moment. This usually wreaks havoc on my balance or posture and I have to consciously remind myself to self-assess. A part of the 26 postures of Bikram yoga that I have come to learn is Savasana - the Dead Body Pose. It's a pretty self-explanatory pose, lying back on your mat, feet towards the wall, head towards the mirror, eyes open, heels together - toes fall open, hands to your side with palms up and fingers slightly curled. This is supposedly the most important posture of the whole practice because it allows your body to recharge and absorb the nutrients from the previous posture in preparation for the next one.
Today I did not take total advantage of my time for stillness, even between postures I was brushing hair out of my eyes, wiping sweat from my brow, or readjusting my outfit. Although its not prohibited, I realize now that I am hindering my practice from reaching its full potential. The errant thoughts that ran through my mind and the distractions I allowed myself were superfluous to my journey to finding stillness. Sometimes you just need to breathe and let go.

Finding motivation

2011-11-07T23:04:00.000-08:00

It felt good to run today. I've been devoting all of my workouts to Bikram yoga and today I wanted a change. I was lucky to have made it over an hour after low tide, there was still sand to run on. I felt like hell the first mile and a half, but after I made it over the hump I was golden.

All it takes is getting over the hump.

Fall 2011

2011-10-23T19:43:00.001-07:00

Fall 2011 by incradibally featuring merino wool sweaters

I might have gone on a tiny shopping spree today :) I'm in the mood for fall knits, bass heels, rose gold watches, and that lovely copper brown color.

Day 3 of Stress Busting

2011-10-22T15:57:00.000-07:00

I seriously had about 4 or 5 hours of sleep last night and I got up extremely early to have Bikram kick my ass. But damn did it feel good to finish that class - even if it was hotter and cozier than usually.

Homework, Gossip Girl season 1 and lots and lots of comfort. I'm a happy cat :)

Day 1

2011-10-20T23:00:00.000-07:00

"Time heals all wounds."

Today was the first day of many. Lately, or maybe much longer than that, I've been feeling stuck. Not stuck like that moment when you're in it and you can't really get out, but stuck in a rut while getting bombarded with stress. Every time I feel like I've made progress or a breakthrough, I end up taking one step forward and two steps back. This is in all aspects of my life - school, relationships, work, myself. It's been really hard on me and it's hindered me from making any real progress. I spend so much time worrying about other people and my connection with them and how they make me feel, I've let myself fall by the way side. It's kind of shitty.

Today I decided to make a change. Last night was my last straw. I hate crying over things I can fix. I went to the counseling center and made an appointment to see a counselor in a couple weeks. I then proceeded to sit in the "egg-chair" and have the alpha brain waves wash over me. I also started Bikram Yoga again, under an unlimited month pass and attended a really nice acupuncture session. I felt really good today. The most relaxed I have felt in a while.

I think I've got to work on my relationship a lot though. It's not enough for us to talk about it, it's got to be put into action. As much as I hate sleeping at my house instead of over there, this will be one of the soon to be many nights that I will be. Even though it was his decision it's probably for the better since he spent the whole of 45 minutes I was there to hang out with him texting on his phone. I know it's stupid for me to bring it up, but it just happens so much and I just want to feel like an equally important person too.

My mom is coming up this weekend and I haven't told him yet. Maybe it'll give him a chance to miss me. I hope he does, because I will and do.

Come on let your colors burst.

2011-07-25T14:30:00.000-07:00

The 4th of July was so long ago. I miss San Diego air.

Moving out

2011-07-07T18:57:00.001-07:00

Moving out! Moving out! Moving out!

Finally :)

19 years is a very long time.

Magic

2011-07-01T19:29:00.001-07:00

Summer, you work in mysterious ways.

Venice Beach, CA

2011-06-24T13:53:00.000-07:00

Some photos from my visit to see Alex on Monday :)

Peek a boo

2011-06-24T13:30:00.000-07:00

The sunshine is shining through the clouds. The world misses you, it's been 3 years since you've graced this earth. I know you're always here with us.

What a Beautiful Morning!

2011-06-22T09:59:00.000-07:00

A delicious start to a soon to be delicious day :D I cannot wait!

Thanks to Martha I made these yummy banana pancakes this morning.

Amazing way of showing life is a wonderful creation

2011-06-21T23:07:00.000-07:00

My brother showed me this, he knows the most amazing things. This is wonderful execution of a talent and art as well as an advertisement.

Happy Father's Day :D

2011-06-19T20:59:00.000-07:00

The day wound down with me baking Nutella Stuffed Cupcakes with Sea Salted Buttercream :D You can find the recipe here.

Om nom nom nom <3

Out of my comfort zone

2011-06-17T18:17:00.001-07:00

I'm trying something new. And it scares me very much.

But I have faith.

And I believe in love.

Do or do not, there is no try.

2011-06-17T01:39:00.001-07:00

Do not let your past overcome you. Do not allow yourself to be consumed by things unrelated to the growth of yourself. Be your own person. Be able to say no.

Live your own life.

Sunshine

2011-06-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

I've been digging this weather. The sunshine on my face and the wind in my hair. Take time to embrace the day and be happy you're alive.

Spin class kicks ass FYI. I'm no longer a spin class virgin. I ride my bike to class everyday, but this was more than I expected. I'll be feeling it tomorrow.

While driving...

2011-06-13T16:39:00.000-07:00

I noticed how many people multi-task in their everyday life, myself included. It was ridiculous. You couldn't just sit still and focus on one thing at a time. I feel like that's a little sad and maybe insulting. Am I not good enough to receive your undivided attention? You're probably checking your phone every so often or blaring your music or have the tv on in the background. Doesn't life deserve your full undivided attention?

Think about focusing on driving, only driving. Enjoy it, feel the wind in your face and the road under your tires! Drive! And maybe we'll have fewer accidents and safer streets.

Stop checking Facebook every so often or your phone and have some time to yourself. Don't be so concerned with other people's lives. Live yours.

Embrace the silence and the loneliness. Pick up a new hobby. Evaluate yourself and your body. Know what's right with it and what's wrong, there should be no surprises.

Live your day.

Credits to pixelmama

Summer

2011-06-12T16:42:00.000-07:00

Got summer on the mind. Satisfying my cravings with some ear candy - Pepper, The Dirty Heads, The Expendables, Iration, and such. The weather is beautiful and the sun is shining, I've missed San Diego.

Bought some new running shoes so maybe I'd be able to get my ass up and do some running. Tomorrow's the first day of my new workout routine. Yoga and Cycling in the morning-early afternoon and some running too. I'm eager to try out my new Nike+ sportsband, thanks to my sweetie :)

Crossing my fingers that a place wants to hire me, I'm tired of working retail baby.